My whole life is “have to”…he says

I don’t want to be somebody’s “have to” I want to be somebody’s “want to”…though the statement was not directed at me I am a part of his life. I don’t know if I am in that category but the word whole is pretty much a glairing fact that I am.

There have been so many things that say Witty, this man is not making you a priority, this man does not respect you, this man does not have your best interest at heart any more. I feel as though every day is a new slap in the face a new realization of how low I am on the scale. His scale.

I am having trouble defining my scale and finding a place for myself. Because I know to do that, I have to cause myself an immense amount of pain.

Then again how do I know which pain is worse?