I realize I don't post often

I realize I don't post often, that has probably cost me what little readers I had. But I will be honest, blogging just was not a big part of my life. I really started a blog more to have something to direct people to if I left them comments.

That was not the original reason I started this, I started this to get over a boy, a man really, a man who I thought was the man. But it was more than that, it was about getting my life back. Really making it my life, taking control, being true to myself.

I have been caught up in life and again not really taking care of myself. Sure, I make sure my basic needs are met, food, water, sleep, sex well maybe not so much in the sex department. But am I exercising like I should? Am I doing things to enrich my mind and to awaken my soul? Doesn't feel like it. It feels like I have fallen back into old patterns.

I have become complacent with my life again.

I accept what every day brings without trying to shape or mold it into things that I want for myself. Not in a sick way of thinking that I can control everything that happens to me, or anyone around me. More in a way of actually having goals and wanting things for myself and for no other reason other than that I want them, and they will make me a better person.

Changes

It is hard to be clever about this situation.

There has been a lot of drama in the world of employment this past week for me. Without getting into specifics my place of employment took a big hit in cash flow. Turmoil has ensued and half the agency was let go, including my partner in crime Loride.

But the good vibes paid off, I didn't lose my job. I feel like I should take it as a complement, my work speaks for it self, but slight survivor guilt is a bitch. Actually, I was the only non director/VP to keep their job but my work load has quadrupled. And if we cannot drum up some new cash in the next 90 days I could still be let go, the whole company could go under. Being an adult blows sometimes.

I am not sure if this is the short straw or the long straw? Either way I am thankful I have a job still, but it has really made me think about things. Do I really still want this job? Am I going to be happy in this job in 6 months? Am I still growing at this company? Then there is the big one...what in the heck would I want to do if I was not doing this??

I know some of the answers... Yes, I still want this job, at least until I have the chance to find something better. I don't know if I am going to be happy at this job in 6 months anymore, I thought I was going to be when the direction of the company was clear. Truth be told, I have been bored, I felt stagnate and I was having trouble figuring out how to dig myself out of the rut I was in then. Everything has changed now, I am hoping that this new circumstance will bring all sorts of new experience that will make my resume nice and shinny for the future.

Day four was rough, but I am trying to be positive. That is my goal this year, to try to turn everything I can into a positive, to see the good in life and to make the most of it.

Maybe I am trying to make myself into an optimist (here's hoping).

Good Vibes

If I asked you to send me good vibes without telling you what they are for, would you? 

I am not ready to talk about everything that has been going on but I really really need some good vibes right now. 

Please hope and pray that everything works out for the best.