Changes

It is hard to be clever about this situation.

There has been a lot of drama in the world of employment this past week for me. Without getting into specifics my place of employment took a big hit in cash flow. Turmoil has ensued and half the agency was let go, including my partner in crime Loride.

But the good vibes paid off, I didn't lose my job. I feel like I should take it as a complement, my work speaks for it self, but slight survivor guilt is a bitch. Actually, I was the only non director/VP to keep their job but my work load has quadrupled. And if we cannot drum up some new cash in the next 90 days I could still be let go, the whole company could go under. Being an adult blows sometimes.

I am not sure if this is the short straw or the long straw? Either way I am thankful I have a job still, but it has really made me think about things. Do I really still want this job? Am I going to be happy in this job in 6 months? Am I still growing at this company? Then there is the big one...what in the heck would I want to do if I was not doing this??

I know some of the answers... Yes, I still want this job, at least until I have the chance to find something better. I don't know if I am going to be happy at this job in 6 months anymore, I thought I was going to be when the direction of the company was clear. Truth be told, I have been bored, I felt stagnate and I was having trouble figuring out how to dig myself out of the rut I was in then. Everything has changed now, I am hoping that this new circumstance will bring all sorts of new experience that will make my resume nice and shinny for the future.

Day four was rough, but I am trying to be positive. That is my goal this year, to try to turn everything I can into a positive, to see the good in life and to make the most of it.

Maybe I am trying to make myself into an optimist (here's hoping).