Thursday, February 12, 2009

Here Again.

I am at a place where I have so much I want and need to say, to get off my chest that I am speechless and have been for a while.

In the last 6 months or so my life has done a complete 180 from where I thought it was headed and every time I find myself thinking things cant get worse than this, they do.

It is hard to see the light, to find the good, to believe consistently that everything in life happens for a reason. The lesson just is not there yet, I know the theory that you cannot appreciate the good without the bad but I have just about had my fill of the bad.

What else can I do or learn from this? It is hard not to be angry and feel that this has been some sort of test. Some sort of way to make me change everything about who I am, or maybe it is just forcing me to get back to who I was, the person I liked.

There was a time when nothing could stand in my way, I did what I wanted when I wanted and I didn’t care who else it impacted. But now I feel as though my whole life is out of my control, every decision that has any meaningful impact is being made for me, or without me.

The person that matters the most to me seems to not think of us at all. He is off on his own mission to find himself. Which in turn has forced me to realize all the things I have become that I said I would never be.

Change is good, and is something I must face, whether I am ready or not.

1 comment: