Monday, February 16, 2009


“So if you wake up with the sunrise, and all your dreams are still as new, And happiness is what you need so bad, girl, the answer lies with you.” Led Zeppelin

I have been re-reading his blog, back from the beginning, basically depressing the hell out of myself. I don’t know how we got from there to where we are now but I found tears streaming down my face. I know people change, I know time moves on but what got in the way of all of that?? The way he use to talk about me, our love our life. It is beautifully captivating. It reminds me of why I feel in love with him in the first place.

Do I constantly try to cause myself more pain, or I am searching for a way to bring back the love? He told me he had been rereading it well them both to go back to the start. So I thought I would too, just to go back to the beginning before all of this baggage got in the way. It is plain and simple when you read it. There was nothing that could come between us. Not random hook ups with other people, me being in another country, drunken nights, awful fights, we share a connection. We both professed that we would never let go. What do I do if we both say we still feel that same connection we just lost the strength of it somewhere??? I know I can still feel it, I can still feel him when he walks into a room, and there is just some pull there, something I cannot explain.

What was once so strong is now so weak, such a huge question in my life. I know that if I walk away there will be a huge hole in my life, but not only my life but it feels like the depth of my soul.

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